Personal

Brief check-in

I’m never convinced by the advice to write or even read something everyday (just taking a half hour or so, that kind of thing), but I do find myself gravitating towards writing when I’m approaching a busy schedule. I find that taking time out, before the total immersion into the week’s agenda—especially on these brighter Sunday mornings—is important to me. Not so much about reflecting than it is just remembering to mull over myself and, somehow, become more mindful and self-aware.

And so it’ll be pretty crazy at work this week. The amount of submissions I have to make is more intense than usual, and I’m not very confident in my work ethic given that I have to inevitably disperse my attention into a lot of projects. Still trying to perfect the near-impossible line between laser focus and multitasking management, to reconcile the multiplicity of the roles I’ve taken up: writer (technical work), editor (quality control), manager (micro and macro, externally and internally), and strategist (also technical work, which I’m probably the least qualified for). I’m apprehensive that I’ll spread out myself too thin. And what I do is not for everyone—I’ve seen it happen how reporting season in this first half of the year tends to break people down.

Ever since I was promoted to my new position—which has been an incredible experience to learn and also lead—I’ve felt like I just keep going against a tall order. I’m nowhere near the knowledge and capabilities and quite possibly determination that are needed for this job; I suppose it doesn’t help that I keep comparing myself with my peers or superiors that took this on before me. It’s hard to manage expectations so that you recognize your own limits and yet rise up to the challenge at the same time. I want to tell myself that I can be XYZ even on a tightrope. In a way, I’m probably a lot more stressed not by the busy schedule, but by the fact that I am underqualified, inexperienced, and, naturally, insecure.

I wish I could earnestly tell myself, “I don’t know how to go about this.” But there’s likely no other answer to it: stop overthinking and just act. And I hate feeling or being inadequate. Over the years, I think I’ve harshly learned how unproductive and unprofessional it is to make an unnecessary show of your stress. Just pick the mantle back up after crying—it’s not all about you.

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